In retrospect, its hard to think that the Carpenters were ever cool. And even growing up in the early Seventies I would never say they were ‘cool’. But everyone knew the Carpenters in the Seventies.

In Devonshire, my elementary school until Fourth Grade, we did not have a music room. Instead, our music teacher would roll his electric piano into our classroom and we had our music class. I don’t remember his name but I remember him being a slightly bulbous man with glasses.

He taught us musical notes and he had this wonderful device that that held 5 pieces of chalk and he could quickly draw 5 lines across the blackboard. With this he taught us ‘F-A-C-E’ and ‘Every Good Boy Does Fine’ to identify the notes on the spaces and lines.

What I remember most about music class was him teaching us Simon and Garfunkel’s “Feelin’ Groovy” and The Carpenters’ “Sing”. I didn’t know these were ‘regular songs’ so when I heard them on the radio I was surprised. “Feelin’ Groovy” holds such great imagery like “Hello lamp post, what cha knowing? I’ve come to watch your flowers growing.”

I thought ‘Sing’ was another song like “Do-Re-Mi” – I thought it was a song someone had made up to teach children about music. I thought all grade schools taught their children these songs and in the mid seventies, they probably did. ‘Sing’ didn’t have the purely educational elements of “Do-Re-Mi” but it sounded like a ‘little kids’ song – like “The Candy Man” from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory.

It turns out “Sing” was a children’s song written originally by Joe Raposo from Sesame Street. The Carpenters heard the song for the first time while guests on a  Robert Young with the Young television in 1973. They released it on their Now & Then album and it became their seventh gold single.

Toward the end 1973 the Carpenters released their first Greatest Hits which included “Sing”, “We’ve Only Just Begun”, “Top of the World”, “Ticket to Ride”, “Superstar”, “Rainy Days and Mondays”, “(They Long to Be) Close to You” and others. Had this collection been released when I was an adult, I would have hated it. Richard Carpenter, the controlling arm of the brother/sister team, did some rearrangements of their hits and added new transitions and bridge between the songs. My view on this is that you do not mess with the original mix – espectially when it released on a greatest hits collection.

I learned about this album from Hope who was borrowed it from the neighbors down the street. This was my first album of ‘our music’ and understanding there could a bunch of songs on something bigger then a 45 record. While I had listened to my parents albums occasionally on our Hi-Fi they weren’t really current albums (OK – maybe they were but they were country – so they really didn’t count).

On a brightly lit morning, I found our record player sitting in our front porch – amongst my cactuses. Little by little my cactuses were taking over the front porch. To understand where my collection came from, you have to go back to when Dad left us.

Actually, I didn’t know Dad had left us, that I found that out years later. What I do remember was a time when we ate a lot of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. But when Dad returned, typical of many parents, he smoothed things over with a bribe, a small gift. I was bribed with a Venus Fly Trap bulb.

Apparently he was gone for a week or so to my grandparents in Florida – his parents. When he returned he passed out gifts to each of us, and for me, everything was pretty much forgotten. Kids tend to like shiny things and the Venus Fly Trap bulb I received was dazzling.

As my parents had taught me when you wanted to learn about something, you looked it up in the encyclopedias – that’s why they had bought them in 1968 for just over $300 (I’m sure with low monthly payments). We had the World Book set from 1968. Pulling down the U-V Volume, I flipped to Venus Fly Trap and after I finished the short article it said “also see Carnivorous  Plants”. I went back to the desk that held our encyclopedias and pulled out Volume C. Another short article later is said “also see Bladderworts, Cobra Lilies, Pitcher Plants, Sundews and Venus Fly Traps.” I was soon surrounded by five books of varying thicknesses. After a number of trips to the library, my new interest had officially turned into an obsession.

And because my parents encouraged our ‘scientific studies’ the following Christmas I was awarded an Insectivorous Garden which included a Venus Fly Trap and a Northern Pitcher Plant. Unfortunately these were not included in the box and they had to be sent away for. They took forever to arrive – no matter how long I waited in the bay window (this was probably because they could not be shipped in the winter but the kid in the bay window didn’t hear that part of it).

I don’t know where the offer came from or if they had too many unhappy kids or just good marketing, the Insectivorous Garden company sent another offer for 5 cactuses. I don’t know if it was my constant begging, whining or if Mom just felt bad that my carnivorous plants taking so long to arrive, she got me the cactuses, which arrived before the carnivorous plants! Not having a container to plant them in, Mom gave me a round short glass bowl to plant new spiny friends in.

I remember laying in the bay window with them as they soaked up the sun and heat of that early spring days of 1973. Later that evening we had gone to a Lenten service at our church. Arriving at home I rushed to the bay window to check on my succulent friends. While the terrarium was there all but one of the cactuses were gone!

“Mom, Dad! my cactuses are gone!” I yelled.

With a burst of laughter Mom said, “It looks like Jamie has them.”

Our new miniature poodle Jamie had also been curious about my spiny friends. In the process of investigating the terrarium, she clearly got too close because the result was four cactus rollers in his ears. He looked like a cave woman setting her hair. He was apparently sulking in the kitchen when we came home. I don’t think the family’s laughter help his mood any. It felt like a scene from The Brady Bunch. And once Mom and Hope had freed the cactus from his ears, I quickly replanted them in their terrarium.

After we had moved to our new house I learned that Pesche’s Garden Center was only a bike ride away. Before we moved I would have to beg Mom to take me to Klemn’s, which was near the other house, to look for carnivorous plants and cacti. Now I could go to Pesche’s whenever I could scrap together 50¢ or a buck, pedal out down Lee Street (who knew Lee had his very own street!), past the very first McDonalds on to River Road and into their parking lot. By the time we went to Florida to visit my grandparents I had almost ten cactuses.

From a cactus perspective, our vacation in Florida was a huge success. Apart from going to  Disney World, catching lizards and swimming in the ocean, we had to visit my grandparents friends. Of course visiting old people was never fun – being traipsed about on show for older people to poke and shake and fawn over. And after the initial introductions, there was never anything to do at old people’s houses.

But after our first visit, I soon realized after my mom or dad, or grandma or grandpa mentioned I had a cactus garden, out to the garden we’d go and snip-snip or chop-chop and I had a new cactus for my garden. I got opuntias, cereus and a C. peruvianus. While everyone was very nice, I think I was only of one of us kids that were excited when grandma and grandpa said we were going to visit a friend of theirs.

One visit I remember standing with my parents and grandparents (my brothers and sisters had gone off to explore the new house) waiting for one of them to mention my cactus collection. When they did, the old man gave the Pavlovian response – “well, let me give you some!” and off he went to his shed. Dad and I followed him as he opened the door and returned with pruning shears and gloves. Off to the Opuntias we went.  After a little wrestling he produced a new pad for my collection.

“You OK?” my dad asked and we both saw a number of spines sticking out of his gloved hand.

“Oh sure, I’m used to it,” he said and pulled off his other glove and began pulling out the spines. After a couple of seconds I realized he was pulling the spines out with a hand that had no fingers.

I nearly dropped my Opuntia. Dad leaned into me with warning. Luckily I was old enough not to yell, “Holy Crap! you have no fingers!” Of course now I couldn’t look away from Mr. No Fingers. And of course, I had to tell Dave, who told Dawn and the others. And for the rest of our visit we looked for glimpses of his mangled hand. I think I remember eventually telling us he lost his fingers in a rail-yard accident.

Regardless I have received another addition to my cactus collection. When we had returned home from our Florida Trip and my garden swelled to close to twenty plants. I convinced Mom they needed to be kept on the front porch since that had a southern exposure and that’s what cacti needed. And was cooler in the winter, a requirement for cacti.

So it was among my cactuses on a late Saturday morning I found the portable record player setup and the Carpenter’s ‘Singles’ album available to play. As I mentioned before, Hope had borrowed the album from our neighbors a couple of doors down, the Boscos (interesting family – who knew you could use a snow shovel to clean your house!).

In the early 70’s there were many a science fairs that tested the theory you were supposed to talk to your plants or play music for them. I remember my 6th grade teacher, Mr. Krenick, tell the class about his experiment with plants. One plant everyone talked to and the other they would ignore. By the end of the year the ‘talked to’ plant was doing very well but the ‘ignored’ plant wasn’t doing well at all. While they expected the ‘talk to’ plant to do well, they hadn’t anticipated the ‘ignored’ to do so much worse. After voicing his observations to the class one student confessed, while he was leaving at the end of the school year, that every day he would greet the ‘talked to’ plant nicely and wish it a good morning. But the ‘ignored’ plant he told it to shrivel up and die.

With the record player being so conveniently setup for my cactus, I played them the Carpenter’s Singles album. Most of the songs I didn’t know. Karen Carpenter sang “We’ve Only Just Begun” to my spiny friends and they glowed in late morning sunlight. I think my Powder Puff actually swayed a little.

Karen and Richard moved on to “Top of the World”. And my friends and I just smiled at each other. This was really good music. Karen lowered the happiness level with “Ticket to Ride”. I think my Aloes pickup up on it and drooped a bit. It was when she went into “Superstar” that I began to really listen. She was singing about a singer on the radio. The chorus built up dramatically and I was wondering if I was even listening to the same song. When Karen moved on to “Rainy Days and Mondays” I was still thinking about “Superstar”. What a great song. I’m sure my cacti and succulents enjoyed it as much as I did.

I flipped the album over and played side two. I found “Sing” and it reminded me our my old music teacher at Devonshire. And while many of the songs were sad I was still feeling pretty groovy when lunch time came.

Eventually I would learn that The Carpenters were not cool. And like most bands over time, many people began to feel the same way and the Carpenters stopped being Superstars themselves. Dave never figured out they weren’t cool and collected their album into the 80’s. And I secretly enjoyed them too.

It wasn’t until Chris Farley and David Spade played off how ‘uncool’ Carpenter’s “Superstar” was in this comedic scene in Tommy Boy that I felt comfortable playing this song in public.

My friend Ralf and I recreated the scene in our road trip to his parents in Cleveland in 2010. I never do a road trip without planning a disc or two, and as I’ve been accustomed to do, I would drop in some movie dialogs or standup comics sound bytes inbetween the songs. The original Road Trip to Cleveland disc had the Farley and Spade dialog but I did not not follow it up with The Carpenter’s “Superstar” song and Ralf immediately chastised me for not including it. So when we returned home, I ‘corrected’ the disc for Ralf.

And while the Carpenters will probably never be considered cool for two guys on a road trip, or a young boy and his spiny friends, “Superstar” wasn’t such a sad affair. And now, when I’m looking for a song from my yesteryears, I don’t mind coming back this way again.

Long ago and oh so far away
I fell in love with you before the second show
Your guitar, it sounds so sweet and clear
But you’re not really here
It’s just the radio

Don’t you remember you told me you loved me baby
You said you’d be coming back this way again baby
Baby, baby, baby, baby, oh, baby, I love you I really do

Loneliness is a such a sad affair
And I can hardly wait to be with you again

What to say to make you come again
Come back to me again
And play your sad guitar

Don’t you remember you told me you loved me baby
You said you’d be coming back this way again baby
Baby, baby, baby, baby, oh, baby, I love you I really do

Don’t you remember you told me you loved me baby
You said you’d be coming back this way again baby
Baby, baby, baby, baby, oh, baby, I love you I really do