Ah – Zilligen Christmas! After 40 years it is still a peak of the holiday season for me. The fact that we had Zilligen Christmas wasn’t so great. After our parents died I no longer lived with my brother Lee and my sisters. Dave and I were the exceptions. However, the Brumm families we were now living with made a point of getting us together as often as possible.

For four or five years in high school the Beckmans, who Dave and I lived with, would spend a week with the Steins, who Dawn lived with. This week was spent at Twin Pines Resort just outside of Ludington Michigan. The Beckmans and Steins each rented a cottage for the week which allowed Dave and me to spend a week with our sister. There were also a number of Columbus Day weekends when the Beckman and Steins would gather together again at Twin Pines to snag salmon that would run in the State Park a few miles away.

Different Brumm families would also host Fourth of July parties, or Memorial Day or Labor Day weekend parties. And we would also see each at the annual Brumm Picnic. And for each of us, there would soon be graduation and confirmation parties. Despite their best efforts, there were still some holidays we would still miss sharing together: with Easter, Halloween and Thanksgiving we would take up our new families’ traditions.

Christmas was another story.  Like many families, getting together for Christmas can be difficult, particularly the families with members who are hours away. Many times this would result in a second or third Christmas when arrangements could be made to gather with the ones you love. My mom’s family had also been split up when my grandmother passed away when they were children. Their effort to gather together during Christmas became the Brumm Christmas Party. The Brumm siblings and their spouses would gather at one of their homes to celebrate Christmas. When I was younger, this would result in a gift from my godparents the next morning. My godparents just happened to be Aunt Joyce and Uncle Jack, who Dave and I now lived with.

With this history in my mom’s past, it is not surprising that the same arrangements were made for us. So that first year after our parent had died, during our Christmas Break, we all gathered at Aunt Bernice and Uncle Ray’s house. It was just us Zilligens – and Aunt Bernice. I don’t remember Uncle Ray being there. While he was a custodian at Hersey High School in Wheeling, he was likely working while the kids were on break.

Each of us were dropped off by the aunt or uncle of the families we were now living with. This was so different than the year earlier. My family’s Christmas tradition was to go our Grandma and Grandpa Brumm’s house on Christmas Eve. Our Dad would feign some illness and have to stay behind. When we returned, Dad would remark how Santa had come by evidence of all the Christmas presents under the tree.

In the last Christmas with my parents, they were going through a divorce. Mom had a restraining order on Dad so there was no one to put out the Christmas presents that year. So that Christmas Eve, when it was time to put the presents under the tree, Mom decided Dawn was old enough to know that there was no Santa Claus. The fact was Dawn had known for a couple of years already. She was part of the Lookout Team while Dave and I jumped into window wells of our neighbor’s house to spy their basement to see if we could see our presents we thought our parents were hiding there. Yea, Dawn knows all about Santa Claus.

So last year on Christmas Eve Mom decided that we would put our own presents under the tree. Mom wasn’t hiding the presents as she had in the past. They were simply stacked on the top shelf of the closet in her bedroom. They were all wrapped in newspaper. It was a clear sign that there wasn’t a lot of money to be spent, particularly on Christmas wrapping paper. One by one we each walked from Mom’s closet and put the presents under the tree. Then we all pretended not to care about opening them. It was hard without Dad being around but never estimate the power of shiny new things to distract a child.

Some time that late afternoon or early evening Mom gave us permission to open our presents. I honestly don’t remember much of that last Christmas with my Mom. Outside of putting the presents out and them being wrapped in newspaper. It was a quiet evening of gift-giving and sharing time with our mom and each other, now overshadowed as our last Christmas together.

So a year later we now gathered at Aunt Bernice and Uncle Ray’s house to begin a new tradition. We put the gifts we had gotten for each other around Aunt Bernice’s Christmas tree in their family room. Aunt Bernice had made us lunch and we sat her table talked about our new schools, new bedrooms and scooped about the cousins we were now living with.

Once we finished lunch, it was time for the ‘Main Event’ – the present opening. While I was very excited to get new gifts I was also excited to see how my brother and sisters would like what I had gotten them. It was an unmistakable sign of maturity I did not appreciate at the time. Lee’s gifts to us were all identical. Four wrapped squares two-foot or so by a foot and a half. We all knew they were paintings. Lee had painted each of us a picture on a cardboard canvas with a reddish wooden frame. I receive a blue Triceratops (which is currently hanging in Nate and Noah’s bedroom). Dave received a collie. Each of our paintings hung over our beds while we lived at Aunt Joyce and Uncle Jack’s house. Lee painted Dawn a panda and Hope a poodle, probably after our family dog Jamie she took with when she moved in with Aunt Bev and Uncle Dick.

I remembered Hope had gotten me the Stephen King paperback ‘box set’ so I could continue reading my ghost stories. It contained his first three novels – ‘Carrie’, ‘Salem’s Lot’ and ‘The Shining’. I remember this because when her daughters were in junior high I threatened Hope that I would get my nieces Stephen King novels for Christmas. But Hope said they were too young for Stephan King. The view from adult-to-child is so different than child-to-child.

I don’t remember what Dawn had gotten me (sorry Dawn!). Dave and I did not exchange gifts since we were living together. This did not stop us from trying to convince Aunt Joyce we should still get each other presents. She was not persuaded. After all, we were not the ones paying for the gifts.

As the excitement of new gifts faded, Aunt Bernice introduced us to a new game which has become an essential part of the Zilligen Christmas tradition – ‘Take Away Bunko’. First, she had us organize our presents that we had just received from each other. She then instructed us to sit in a circle in the middle of her living room. She left then returned carrying a large plastic bag. She overturned the bag and out tumbled neatly wrapped Christmas presents. She left again this time returning with a pie tin with a pair of dice in them.

“Now,” she explained, “Dawn will start because she is the youngest. She will roll the dice. If she gets doubles, she gets to pick a present from the pile.”

Unfortunately, when Dawn rolled the dice she didn’t get doubles.

“Now pass the pan to Lee and he gets to roll. You keep rolling the dice until all the presents are gone.”

So we excitedly rolled the dice each hoping for a double. The pressure mounted as the pile of presents got smaller. Each double rolled was getting more and more important. Aunt Bernice laughed and yell with us as until the last present was taken. Dave was clearly disappointed because he didn’t any presents. I, on the other hand, had done quite well. We all looked to Aunt Bernice like dogs who were balancing treats on their noses – except for Dave who looked close to tears.

“Now,” Aunt Bernice instructions continued, “you keep rolling the dice and when you get doubles, you get to steal a present from someone else!”

Dave’s eyes lit with vindication.

Setting her bread timer on the end table next to us she said, “I’m going to set the timer for 5 minutes. So you can keep rolling until the timer goes off.”

Dave still had a chance to get some presents. What I didn’t realize was I was likely to lose my newly won presents. Now as we rolled the dice the excited yells turned to shrills of delight and groans of agony.  Dave would eventually get a present and would go onto a string of doubles accumulating a nice pile of presents. My pile, on the other hand, had grown dangerously low.

The five of us continued to roll the dice with each double drawing more and more excitement. Aunt Bernice would come back and forth from the kitchen checking on our progress. We grew desperate as the timer entered the last minute. Aunt Bernice stayed in the living room as the final minute slipped away.

“Hurry!” yelled those of us who were close to the roller. “Times almost up! Hurry!!”

“Ding!” the timer announced.

“That’s it!” Aunt Bernice announced. She inspected to make sure each of us had at least one present. “OK, you can open your presents.”

Eagerly we ripped the wrapping paper from our Bunko spoils. Each was filled with Christmas chocolate, candy cane, lifesaver or other treats. Then Aunt Bernice pulled out a garbage bag to clean up the spent gift wrappings. While I don’t know this is how our first Take Away Bunko game actually played out, you can get a sense of how we play our traditional Christmas game.

Thus began ‘Bunko’ at Zilligen Christmas. Like taking over the hosting Zilligen Christmas, we took over contributing to Take Away Bunko. Now each family brings 20-40 gifts. With the 25-28 participates we typically have 4 to 6 pie pans of dice going around. As our families had children they would begin next to their parents until they were old enough to play on their own. To this day we remind Danielle about crying when I stole a present from her during the stealing phase when she was 4 years old.

A few new traditions have developed from Take Away Bunko. Such as the bombardment of others with wads of Christmas paper during clean up. Or the ‘Prized Present’ that is constantly stolen during the stealing stage. Typically larger presents garner this favor but sometimes it’s just a feel or a sound. Such presents can be stolen from the ‘winner’ as they make their way back to their seats. Also at the end are the grand trading sessions. It is amazing the trinkets a guy can get for a scented candle from one of the girls. Or what a kid will trade an adult for a few chocolate kisses. Guests are welcomed to participate in Take Away Bunko. There are always plenty of gifts to be won.

In the beginning, we bought gifts for each other, with the except of Dave and I. However, the reality was Dave and I were not the ones buying the presents for Hope, Lee and Dawn. While we were picking them out, Aunt Joyce and Uncle Jack were picking up the tab in the beginning. Eventually, we would draw names for Christmas gifts – as we do today. I would love to know who had who in those original gift drawings.

Zilligen Christmas evolved as we stepped into adulthood. In the beginning, we would gather at Aunt Bernice and Uncle Ray’s house but eventually, we would have Zilligen Christmas at different homes. I imagine it was a bit awkward for our cousins, particularly the ones we were each growing up with.

One year, when Hope was in college, she brought her boyfriend with her. We had heard she was dating this guy – ‘Dave’ who she met in college. In fact, I first met Dave Reis when my cousin Keith Stein, who Dawn grew up with, and I went down to Northern Illinois University for an Outlaw and UFO concert back in 1981. A couple of years later when Dave and Hope married in 1983, they bought a house in Palatine on Slade Avenue close to Uncle Dick’s hardware store in downtown Palatine. Zilligen Christmas had found a new location that following December, along with the latest addition to Zilligen Christmas with the birth of Stephanie that September.

While Zilligen Christmas was for us Zilligens, at some point, as Hope showed us, we would begin to bring our boyfriends or girlfriends. Soon after Dave Reis started coming. Dave and Hope got engaged in 1983 so Dave was added to the drawing. From there each boyfriend or girlfriend was added to the drawing after the couples were engaged. Desi Dament in 1986, Cindy Gookin in 1987 and Mike Rogers in 1990.

As Dave and Hope filled in their family, the rest of us learned what it meant to be aunts and uncles around birthdays and Christmas. Sharing in the excitement of Christmas through the eyes of children, for us without kids, was magical. We did not have the responsibility of being full-time parents. We were not the first aunts and uncles to ‘wind them up and leave’ but we were perfecting it.

As the Zilligen clan continued to grow we were finding it harder each year to find a time during the holidays we could get together. The addition of boyfriends and girlfriends/husbands and wives was juggling the schedules with newfound obligations to our in-laws. While the desire to get together won out every year it was decidedly getting harder each year to coordinate the schedules. We decided to solve our scheduling issue by designating New Years Day for Zilligen Christmas. This worked great the first year but not so well the following year. In 1990 we had to reschedule Zilligen Christmas because Dave had to take Hope to the hospital to have their 3rd daughter, Danielle. While Danielle disrupted the 15th Zilligen Christmas, we now had a permanent solution to our dessert dilemma – Birthday cake.

Now that we had a date, we began the rotation of houses. As each couple bought a house, we shifted Zilligen Christmas that house. This began with Cindy and Dave’s townhouse in 1990, followed by our house in 1991. Lee’s and Dawn & Mike’s houses were also added to the rotation. The Host House would provide the main meal, while everyone else provide the side dishes. During Lee’s second rotation he decided on Chinese for the dinner menu. It was his dream come true.

By this time Zilligen Christmas had swelled to 18 or 19 people, adults and children. A few things happened around during this time. Dave Zilligen became the Master of the Names. One Christmas he produced ping pong balls each with the name of a Zilligen on them. This was much easier than the annual scramble for scraps of paper by the hostess each Christmas. Since Dave became the Master of Names, Cindy became the Scribe of Names. Of course, the names were drawn from a Santa’s hat.

It was also decided, now that Dave and Hope’s family was getting older, the Zilligen cousins would join the adult drawing and no longer receive gifts from all the aunts and uncles. This began when you turned 13. Another rule remerged as well, the Reis’ names were removed from the Santa hat and added after all the Reis’ had drawn their names. This prevented them from drawing themselves. Cindy and Desi also decided not to get gifts for each other’s kids and save those gifts for Christmas with the Beckman Christmas where we were raised.

As Stephanie and the other Reis girls got older, they began to bring their boyfriends to Zilligen Christmas. Like the original Zilligens, it was decided that while boyfriends did not participate in the Name Drawing, this changed with fiancees. The uncles would love to remind the Reis girls’ boyfriends about this rule by announcing, “There’s still time to get into the drawing!” With an open palm, they would laugh and politely decline the uncles’ offers. When it was official, Dave would announce the addition of their ping pong ball to the Santa hat before the drawing and another round of congratulations would be given to the new couple.

We also realized the Zilligen clan had outgrown Lee’s humble dwellings, so in 2000, Dave and Hope took Lee’s rotation as the host house for Zilligen Christmas. This established the rotation of Host Houses we have today. The other addition in 2000 was establishing the Zilligen Christmas Christmas list online. A few years earlier I had obtained the zilligen.com domain. Owning the domain turned web development into a hobby. Nothing I would make a living at but something to keep me current in internet technologies. You can view the rotation of names and host houses from 2000 to date. It has become my responsibility to update this list every year. It is interesting to look at the list to see who had who in the past.

When other families discuss drawing names for Christmas is discussed, I have Zilligen Christmas to drawn upon regarding rules and potential issues families could run into. It would be great to say we had no other tragedies after our parents however this is not the case. We lost Dawn’s husband Mike to lung cancer in 2007. I remember a conversation with Dawn a few months prior to Christmas that she was to take Bob’s name, and since I had Mike, I would take Steve, who was Dawn’s pick that year. That fixed the drawing for 2007. Zilligens, if nothing else, are practical.

With the divorce of Danielle and Alex, we lost another name. That was tough since they lived within walking distance to the Rogers and Dawn’s family had grown close to Alex. There are few scenarios our family has not gone through that we have not worked out.

Hope made a comment on Facebook a few years ago on the 40th Zilligen Christmas – forty years. Forty years ago our parents died splitting our family into four parts. From the original five to twenty-seven of us. I think Mom would be very proud of us.

So if you haven’t already figured it out already, the ‘Godzilla’ song came from a Christmas gift. After our first Zilligen Christmas, Lee went back to more traditional gifts rather than paint us a picture each year. By our third Christmas, Lee got me Blue Oyster Cult’s ‘Specter’ album. I recognized the group as the band that had done ‘(Don’t Fear) The Reaper’. Besides the AOR hit of ‘Godzilla’ it also had the minor hit ‘Goin’ Through The Motions’. Blue Oyster Cult was markedly different than my current band – The Beach Boys. It was the beginning of me collecting albums.

This led to the purchase of their follow-up album ‘Some Enchanted Night’. It was a single live album that ended up being Blue Oyster Cult’s biggest selling album. Of course, I had purchased my copy on 8-track. I was excited by the heavier more aggressive sounds. While Blue Oyster Cult was a far cry from the Beach Boys, my musical tastes would continue to evolve and they would only represent a part of the type of music I would be what I would be buying in 3 years.

That evening when Dave and I got home from Zilligen Christmas I put the ‘Specter’ album with the stack of 6 or 7 8-tracks that Dave and I had collected so far. It was great seeing our Hope, Lee and Dawn again. Lee had opened me up to a new type of music. It was one of the first albums we had, everything else was an 8-track tape. I was awakened to the idea of collecting albums, like collecting my pop cans. But the music – there was so much out there. I didn’t know this at the time but I was going to learn. Music would become my way of understanding my human experience, and understanding what I was going through.

A bit of an epilogue on my story about Zilligen Christmas. Many years later while Dave and Hope were raising their family on Slade, we all met one spring day at their home. Hope had received a couple of boxes that were from our gray house. She thought we should open them together.

In the unpacking, we ‘oo’ed and ‘ah’ed over the various items we recognized from our childhoods. The clear and red glass ‘candy holder’, as we called it. Various dishes and glasses that sparked poignant childhood memories for all of us. As we continued to uncover forgotten household items of our past, we began reading the old 1975 newspaper that everything was wrapped in. It was fascinating. Now that we were all on our own we couldn’t believe the price of rent, TV’s, cars, etc.  back then.

As our discoveries were ending, the biggest treasure was found at the bottom of one of the boxes. A small cartridge of undeveloped film. Hope had the film developed not knowing if anything would still be saved from the old cartridge.

It turned out to be from Mom’s camera. There were pictures of Dawn’s birthday party, Aunt Kathy and Uncle Dale’s dogs we had watched and our last Christmas together.