“Welcome to the Kaiser Keller and Happy Friday Night. For the next two hours you will be entertained by the talented, knowledgeable, witty and hilarious Mr. Ralf Hansen. With music supplied by John Zilligen, we cover our regular topics – ‘ What’s Going On At Work’, ‘How’s Minna and Ole?’, ‘How to Fix Your Wife, ” or “I Love My Wife,” our political and cultural segment “Now What’s Wrong” and Ralf’s commentary on John’s activities in “If I Had Your Life.” And what show would be complete without a complete review the latest movies and music. At this time, I’d like to turn the evening events to our special host John Zilligen”
“Thank you, Thank you but I’m afraid I have a sad announcement tonight. I have the regrettable task of informing you that our beloved host, Ralf Hansen, has passed away [shocked audience]. Early Sunday morning November 22 Ralf’s wife Christina took Ralf to the emergency room at North West Community Hospital with pneumonia and he was put on oxygen. When his oxygen levels did not improve he was put on a ventilator. Monday morning Ralf was diagnosed with Legionnaires Disease. Unfortunately due to contributing factors, Ralf situation worsen. When he failed to regain conscious by Friday morning November 27, the family removed him from life support. He died peacefully at 3:45 that afternoon.
“I know this is a terrible shock to all of you and their wasn’t a dry eye here at the Kaiser Keller when we first heard the news. As far as the show, well, I can’t say for sure that the show has been canceled but it really won’t be the same with a different host.
“Due to these circumstances, we’re obviously going to change things up a little this Friday night. I will quickly run through our regular topics and because Ralf is not here, we will not be doing our movie and music reviews. Besides, I tend to like most of the movies and, as I always say on music, “If you don’t something,” [audience finishes – “you’re not listening to it the right way”][laugh track]. And what’s a review without Ralf’s spit and sizzle. Instead we’ll review the Kaiser Keller wall as we going down memory lane.
“So grab a beer and let’s get started. As we typically do, we start with ‘What’s Going On At Work’ and as has sometimes happens, and due to Ralf’s illness, there’s not much to report this week. But I’m sure the Grainger International crew took more then their allotment of ‘Air Breaks’, avoided work as much as possible and took turns napping at their desk [ba da bum] [laugh track].
“So we move on to ‘How’s Minna and Ole,’ and as you can expect, they are devastated on passing of their only son Ralf. Its been terrible making calls to family and friends all over the world about the passing of our host. And I hope you join me in sending them your prayers and condolences. And all I can add is – Minna and Ole, is you know Ralf loved both very much but I know you know that from the two or three daily calls you would get from him. My prayers to both of you.
“Next is ‘How to Fix Your Wife,’ or, and of course this week, it is a ‘I Love My Wife’ segment. Christina, you more then anyone know how much Ralf adored you and he appreciated everything you did for him. He loved you and honored you and held you on a pedestal you did not want to be on. And while it sometimes took a hydraulic lift to get him off the couch to do something [ba da bum] [laugh track], when he did get around to doing something he did a great job. Our prayers and condolences to you as well.
“We’re going to skip over our political and culture perspective – ‘What’s Wrong Now’ and briefly touch on ‘If I Had Your Life.’ Unfortunately I missed joining Josh and Phil as Angry Beaver Tree Service participated in Berlin’s ‘Annual Lighted Holiday Parade.’ Noah will soon be starting Iceless Hockey which yours truly will be coaching right after Noami’s Iceless Hockey season is done. And Nate, and family, will be participating with Bethel Lutheran Church’s Radio production of ‘It’s A Wonderful.’ OK, you know what do at this point – and let’s do it with extra enthusiasm for Ralf – ‘If I had your life…’ [the audience response with “I’d get a gun and shoot myself”] [laugh track] Well, I tried but I just can’t deliver that line like Ralf could.
“As I said at the beginning of the show, we will not be doing our normal movie and music reviews. Instead, we’re going to look on the old wall and relive some of the great moments in Kaiser Keller history. For those of you that don’t know, the Kaiser Keller was a special yet simple place in Ralf’s basement where this show was conducted. So, with the use of beer, cigarettes and a lot of imagination, Ralf would entertain his guests. And, if you made it into Ralf’s heart, whether through love, special timing or special events, you got to sign the Kaiser Keller wall.
“Let’s see, I think I see in the upper left side, I believe, one of the first signatures – is Mike Holgado, Ralf’s old friend from Philly back in the old college days at Eastern College. Mike and Ralf talked weekly and kicked off the Kaiser Keller signatures back in 2003.
“Of course, who could forget Micheal ‘The Stuntman” Madsen! All the way from Denmark, Stunt first signed the wall in 2004 and later that year followed his visit up with the infamous ‘Surprise Visit’. In looking at the wall now, I’m surprised the Vegas Trip with Ralf, Stunt and I never made it onto the wall. Not known for his shyness, Stunt was the frequent flier guest of the Kaiser Keller.
“Let’s see, what else do we have? Ah, the Stones 78 concert when I gave Ralf a copy of the Rolling Stones 78 concert that he thought was the best bootleg he had ever heard and honored me with a Kaiser Keller signing. Yep, there’s our Cleveland Road Trip to Minna and Ole’s in 2007 in lower middle to the right.
“Yep, and Peter Podjaski, Christina’s father made the wall when her family came out last year. Right in the middle we have Allan Chrisiensen from 2005. Sorry Allan, that was one of the shows I couldn’t make because I was very sick [play “Embarrassing For You” track] [laugh track].
“There’s Ralf and Christina’s Mai trip in 2003. Oh yea, the party night watching ‘Hot Fuss‘ by our favorite buddies Simon Peg and Nick Frost a couple of years ago.
“And then there’s old Oliver – Ralf’s beloved cat of 15 years. He sure loved him and missed him. And we have Asad from 2007. And Ralf even got Christina to sign the wall last year.
“Wow, so many Friday Nights we had. So many discussions. Some sad, many deep, many serious and most filled with laughter. I would be remiss in not including some honorary members. Like Yvonne Christian, his friend before me back in 1985. He loved her as a sister and told her so when he ended their many many many phone calls. And during her many many moves between her many many apartments. I think her omission from the Kaiser Keller was her inability to finish an entire beer [laugh track]. Another omission from someone that’s always finished his beer, Yvonne’s husband Tony Christian. Who also helped in many of Yvonne’s moves and, to quote our host, “a great guy and the best thing that’s ever happened to Yvonne (and she better not forget it!).’ And finally, my wife and Kaiser Keller omissionaire Desi. Who knew Ralf as long as I did, who found his friend Oliver for him and let me play co-host on Kaiser Keller – and would occasionally grant Ralf that one more beer with me.
“Well, that’s our show for tonight. And believe me, I don’t want the show to end but you can’t have a talk show without a host. And Ralf wasn’t just any host, he was a man you could pass over and never get to know because that’s what he would want. Or, he could be someone you could never forget. Through his wit and knowledge he could center a room. With his kindness he remembered the forgotten and reached out to those that others ignored. He loved life though not always his own. He was a friend that you could measure friendship by. And he was a better friend to me then I was to him. So long Ralf – love you man, and good night to all.”
