Lesson One


This is Tera. She’s one of two cats we have. Tera and Tali (I didn’t name them) are sisters. They are going on 3 years.

Tera has this annoying habit at 2-5 in the morning of hopping up on the bookshelf on my wife side of the bed and knocking off her little nicknacks. It took about a half dozen times before my wife gave up trying to teach her and moved most of her nicknacks off the bookshelf. But not all of them – so the little shit continues to knock the nicknacks off the bookshelf in the morning hours.

This morning I tried my hand at teaching her not to knock the little nicknacks off the bookshelf. It went like this:

She was a little late this morning on her nicknack knocking so by the time she started my clock radio was already playing.

tink, tink, tink, crash – she’s pulling her shit again.

I got up to apply my first lesson on what not to do. As I rounded the bed towards her, she had now moved to the open window giving her more escape routes – the other dresser, the bookshelf, the floor – or the bed, if she actually thought she could get past me. She freezes against the screen ready to make her move. I quickly grab her with enough force that if I miss her she would at least know how pissed I am.

Luckily she didn’t move. Unluckily, the screen behind her popped out. So the cat and the screen tumbled 15 feet to the ground. I looked out to watch both hit the ground. Yep, they really do land on their feet.

Oh, shit!

Whew – wife is still sleeping.

Dakota, our dog, was waiting for me to go to the bathroom to take my shower before I let him out but this morning I make a bee-line to patio. I saw her hit on the ground – but I had no idea where she ran to. Or could she run? Uh-oh…

Rounding the corner of the house, she was still on the ground where she landed – meowing to her sister in the basement window. I think Tali was asking, “How the hell did you get out there?”

Tera’s response was, “This asshole pushed me out the frickin’ window!”

And I scooped her and the screen up and headed back inside. I realized she must have been OK as she struggled to get away from. I couldn’t blame her. Dakota was waiting on the other side of the screen door. As I slipped in, Tera finally escaped my grasp and ran through the room and into the kitchen. By the time I got to the kitchen there was no sign of her.

Back in the bedroom – whew, wife still sleeping – I replaced the screen. I tested it to make sure it wouldn’t pop out again. It held.

The first lesson was complete. There was no sign of the cat so I finish my morning routine.

When I got back in the bedroom to get dressed, the cat is now back. She now doesn’t seem fazed by my first lesson lying on the bed.

Hmmm, I guess there will be a Lesson Two.

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